It's not my birthday, but I'll take the cake anyways

Pretty bad day today! But I'm feeling fairly upbeat. The thing about exams is that no matter how impossible they're hyped up to be, no matter how utterly exhausting and stressful studying is, no matter how many breaking points you reach, and no matter how incompetent you feel writing them, once they're done - they're done. None of this standing around discussing every question, none of this checking the answer key on your way out the door. It's done! Let it go! As soon as I relinquish my paper, I can live in a period of blissful ignorance until it's corrected and returned, and I fully intend to do so.

I skipped my soccer game today. I think I'm in a crisis of torn loyalties and confused identity. Or maybe I was just feeling lazy, but I'd prefer to think the former. We're playing my old college today. We played them last week, but I was working, so (oh-so-unfortunately) I couldn't make it to the game. Today I was on-call for work, and I was almost to the point where I would have preferred to be called in (hah!). But I wasn't. I told my coach I was, and then I hopped on the bus for home. I think if I had been more dedicated to this team from the beginning (ie. actually attended more than one practice) I would feel far more connected to them and playing Prov wouldn't be such an issue. But last year, the soccer team was your first and only priority. Missing practices wasn't an option; showing up less than half-an-hour early to practices wasn't even an option. Our coach used to play university volleyball and liked to show his respect for us as athletes (or something) by assigning us half-hour bouts of sprints every practice. More if he felt we were lacking motivation.

In all reality, it did motivate us, and the level of intensity that was expected on the field went a long way in shaping the attitude of the team. It always does. I think any lingering intensity from last year far outstrips any newborn passion from this year.

Well, finals are this weekend and I'm planning to play (if we're even in). And next year, I'll be one more year removed from Prov with a year of CU loyalty behind me. I'll be a menace on the field then, I'm sure.