How can the slam of a car door,
the click of a window shutting,
the dry snap of a turned calendar page
be equivalent to the change of an entire season?
Fall 2007 – I saw that written today for the first time on the cover page of the Travaux dirigés pour Chapitre I in my Chimie des elements réprésentatifs class. « Fall 2007 » is so much more than just a season and a date, it’s the beginning of something significant in the lives of students circling the globe. For me, it’s the beginning of Year 3 of degree, Year 3 of choice, Year 3 of stepping hesitantly and courageously and ridiculously forward into the world I hope… know… ache for… to one day be my own.
It’s a season of change. Fall always has been, and will continue to be. God knows us too well and sculpts us so intimately in each veined, embarrassed blush on each protective tree that hugs us in its shadow on our walk to wherever it is we’re devoting our next eight months.
I am devoted to here, and I feel that my choice to be here is an act of devotion to the One I believe has placed me here. And yet I rebel against being here because it means forcing my mind to stretch eight months in advance… and then what? I’m terrified that my choices now are slowly smudging away at the choices I thought I didn’t have to make. And though I revelled in the thought of not yet making them, now I’m aching at the thought that I may never have to. I’m hurting with incertitude. And tearing apart with frustration at the same time.
Happy September.
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